The other woman

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In tarot, the Lovers card often shows three people. This can mean different things depending on the deck, the surrounding cards and the questions posed. In some cases it can be something as innocent as a third party, a ‘matchmaker’ trying to get two people together or help them smooth out issues. But sometimes it represents a love ‘triangle’ indicating that there may be three people in a relationship; you, your partner and the OTHER woman / man.

So who is this third party and what do we need to know about her? Something that I encounter in my work from time to time is a situation where a husband or boyfriend is having an affair. What often accompanies this situation is feelings or tremendous anger and hate towards the third party, the ‘other woman’.

It always surprises me is how much venom is directed at this woman, alongside a desire to forgive, forget and reconcile with the husband / boyfriend responsible for the betrayal. It is difficult to face the fact that someone that you loved and trusted would be capable of lying and cheating, and rather than face that pain head on, it gets diverted to the other woman and she often bears the full brunt of the blame.

In some cases the other woman does indeed hold a portion of the blame. She may have been fully aware that he was committed to someone else and pursued him anyway. She may have taken advantage of the fact that your relationship was going through a rough patch, and made her self readily available as the supportive friend, (with ulterior motives). Perhaps she threw herself at him when he was drunk at the office party.

But PERHAPS she had NO IDEA that he was attached because he did not tell her…..

PERHAPS she became involved with him, fell in love and found out much later that this man was married..

PERHAPS he is STILL assuring her that he is single and PERHAPS you are being betrayed as the crazy EX who won’t let go…..

Regardless of how they got together, ask yourself this question; WHO was committed to you? WHO promised you loyalty? WHO betrayed you? WHO did you trust?

Was it your partner or some random third party who tempted him away?

Even if this was some devious temptress who set about destroying your relationship and taking your man, the BIG question that you MUST ask yourself is WHY HE WENT ALONG WITH IT.

It could have been that HE was actually the one who chased this woman. He will never admit that to you. Perhaps he was feeling neglected because you were sick, tired, busy with work / pregnant / just had a baby or that you have gained weight and do not appear to be taking care of yourself the way that you used to.

So what COULD you do now?

You could drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why, how, where, who knew and covered for him, and what went wrong.

You could set out on a personal vendetta against the object of his affection – the OTHER woman.

These are things that you COULD DO. But they won’t help, won’t make you feel better and won’t change anything – except perhaps make things worse and drive him further into the arms of this woman and away from the ‘crazy’ version of you.

What SHOULD you do now?

Forget all thoughts of the other woman and focus on your relationship. What went wrong? What did he find with her that he could not find with you? What was missing? Most of all, pay very close attention to the fact that HE BETRAYED YOU. Yes he had help but the ‘other woman’ is a variable commodity – there are MANY available women out there and if he was open to it – which is the REAL issue here – then the identity of the woman is irrelevant.

Remember – she did not make or break any promises to you. HE DID.